If you’re anything like me, then you profusely shit your pants throughout the day. It started as an accident dating all the way back to the third grade. I was sitting in Ms. Thompson’s class at Welch Elementary when I felt the unpleasant rumblings of my breakfast having an all out war with my bowels. I knew it wouldn’t be long before the inevitable happened. I was a chubbier third grader, so shitting myself was going to be a little different than if one of the more petite girls in my class had shit themselves. But who am I kidding? The girls in my class would never have done that. They weren’t animals. Me on the other hand, I had embraced my fate. I was at peace with what was about to happen. Actually, there was a sense of freedom in it. I could’ve went to the bathroom, but hell, nothing interesting ever happened in that class. It was time to bring em down to my level.
KABOOM!
Ass blasting had commenced! It was bananas! I didn’t know about Black Sabbath at the time, but looking back on it, I can hear paranoid playing throughout the entire ordeal. Anyway, the class, as well as Ms. Thompson were completely freaked out and gagging uncontrollably. It was the absolute worst shit I had ever taken, and I had taken it on myself. What started as a liberating experience quickly started to gross me out as well. This was supposed to be a statement, but it was something else entirely. The biggest issue I had was the amount of shit that was coming out of the bottom of my pants and getting all over my shoes and the floor. I thought to myself “Shit. If there were just a pair of pants you could buy that would keep all this shit in them without it seeping out everywhere.” Now that, my friend, that is a jackpot idea!
Fast forward to my 30’s and BAM! There they are! The perfect pair of pants!
I don’t know who invented them or what the hell they’re even called, but their purpose could not be any more clear. Here we have the definitive word in pant-shitting! What was once a dream to my chubby third grade self has now become a reality for pant-shitters around the world. I couldn’t be happier to see this kind of innovation taking off. No more embarrassment, no more seepage! You can shit your pants in peace. I mean, how is it anyone else’s business anyway?
If These Mountains Could Talk 